Nothing prepares you for being a parent yourself. There is no book, no film , no television series, no internet site, no glossy magazine, no pre or post natal group, no advisor, no counsellor and no relation, no matter how close, who can prepare you for what is about to happen when you change from being a wife or a husband to a mummy or daddy. Yes, there is no end of advice from any of the above sources, but in reality, they don't even get near to preparing you for that day of parenthood. Trouble is, too many are making a living out of it when they don't really have the answers. I never thought much about being a parent when I wasn't one and I suppose I didn't really think much about mum and dad as parents either. I just sort of expected them to get on with the job and make the decisions that kept the house running smoothly, gave us what we needed and occasionally surprise us with the odd piece of luxury, beyond the mundane of normal everyday living. And I never thought about all the things that might have occupied them in one day of my life, nor about the fact that meals arrived at the right time and when we needed shoes or clothes or school uniforms or books they just seemed to happen without any talk, though I guess they constantly discussed such matters when I wasn't around. I don't know if they went without so that we could have or if it was a struggle to provide for us because such things just don't enter your head when you're growing up. I never asked why they chose the Christian names we ended up with nor how they decided to just have two children. I never knew the worries they had about us when we were babies, the sleepless nights, the childhood illnesses, how they chose our schools, how they arrived at disciplining us, what they hoped we would be, where they hoped we would live and even who we might marry.
But when you become a parent yourself, such questions soon fill your mind along with about a million others and I'm sure that there is not one single day that you don't think about all of your children, even when they grow up and begin to move out of the nest. Yes, being a parent is pretty much constant from the day junior arrives but it's a life full of so many different experiences because each stage of growth or development brings its own problems, headaches, magic moments and so many memories. And the truth is that, although your child eventually is no longer a child, you never stop being their mum or dad. So many times in our twenty years or so of parenthood, there have been those moments when you wish time would just stand still and equally there are days that you wouldn't want to live through again but as a parent, you never regret any of them for each one remains a precious page in the life that you are hopefully helping to mould. I was talking this all over with a lady last night, a close neighbour, whose son was one of my playmates and friends for many years as we grew up. It's a tribute to her and her husband that her three daughters live within one hundred yards of their house and one son still has not deserted the family home while the other boys are regular visitors. They must have done something right as parents and I'm pretty sure they didn't read it in any manual. Now they have the pleasure of grandchildren and the time to spend with them. What a blessing that must be.
When I think of all the decisions we made as parents in rearing two boys, I often wonder if we would have done anything different and I don't think there is any parent around who wouldn't make some changes to the way they dealt with parental responsibilities but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I guess, retrospectively, we did alright. However, I've no doubt that a higher and greater power was at work all the time as we lived each day and even on those days when looking after two toddlers seemed to take every minute and there wasn't much time left for God, He didn't walk off and forget about us, but He waited patiently and as we learned more about the job so we learned more about Him and what it truly means to be a parent filled with unconditional love. Two of our close friends will shortly embark on the parent road for the first time. If I had any advice for them, I reckon there is little better to be found than in Proverbs 22 where the writer says, 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.' Not everyone becomes a good parent but few start out with the wrong intention. Many will no doubt disagree with some of the things we have done as parents and likewise not everyone's parental ideas and actions fit in with our thoughts. And of course everyone knows good parents whose child has not reflected their efforts. You see that's why there is no perfect guide to being a parent. But there is a perfect Father and if He dwells in us and we in Him, I think it's a good start along the road. By the way, should you really want to know if you've been a good parent, watch your children - when they become parents!
