S is for SON

I wasn't asleep when the phone rang. The nurse said not to hurry as these things take time but maybe I should make my way over to the hospital reasonably soon. So I did just as she said, stopping at the Post Office letter box on the way to deposit a little mail. In hindsight, that was slightly prophetic! The car park was almost empty, as it should be at four o'clock in the morning, most of the lights were out, and there was a mild air for mid October. I went to the usual ward that I'd left the night before and was then ushered round to the delivery room. It was a white, cold looking space with just a bed upon which all of my family now lay. I understand why they call it a delivery room but there was still a fair amount of waiting around before the package arrived even though we'd been already waiting for most of the year. About 6:30am the package duly arrived and there he was, our first son. I think we always had an inkling that it would be a boy and though we had discussed girls' names, it had never been done with any real conviction. It was too early to signal our delight to mums and dads so we just sat there and marvelled at God's wonderful creation and, I suppose, not realising the impact that day would have on the rest of our lives. For nothing would ever be the same again and while marriage requires many sacrifices of self to make it successful, children need a whole lot more.

Eighteen months later and the old car was off on the same route again at approximately the same hour of the night. Another brief early morning stop to deposit a little male with my parents (was this prophetic again?) and then it was off to the hospital, admittedly a little more hurried this time as suggested in the tone of the lady sitting beside me. There was little I could do except hold her hand but this time the parcel was coming by express delivery and we didn't want to be late. It arrived at about 5:30am and a quick examination meant we were reaching for the book of boys' names once again. It was too early to phone mums and dads but we just did anyway, wanting to share God's marvellous creation as quickly as possible. I suppose I didn't realise the impact that day would have on the rest of our lives. For nothing could be the same again.

That's a long time ago now, with our youngest just about to exit his teenage years yet we seem to have travelled the road so quickly. Sure, we made mistakes along the way, took some wrong turnings and got caught in a few jams but experience and hindsight are wonderful things and with each difficulty we learned to choose a different road the next time.Nothing prepares you for being a parent but I continually thank God that He gave us two healthy boys to love and to care for and was always a passenger along any road we journeyed. And though our sons are older now, we still love them like they were just born even if we see less of them and they've become more independent. And there are always the memories of days when they brought joy into our lives and changed our focus for ever. I was thinking about this just yesterday as I watched a mother and her son in a music store. He was older than my own boys but disability required him to be dependent on his mother. Yet I marvelled at her patience as he searched through the shelves, explaining to her what he was looking for as his fingers traversed the DVD cases. I grasped that this was a patience not only borne out of love for her son but also out of understanding for his needs, which were greater than her own, a patience than had been nurtured through years of anxiety, false hope and frustration but had allowed her to sacrifice her own life in order to make his better. I knew that she understood it was better than not to have him at all and that was the energy that kept her going, for others have been less fortunate.

In that moment, and in what I knew of my own sons, I realised yet again what it had taken for God to give his own Son so that I might have a better life, free from sin and from its consequences. To lose a son, even fleetingly, as they make their own way in the world is a difficult and lonely experience but to lose a son permanently through illness or tragic circumstances is not something any loving parent would pain for. Yet that is exactly what God did, choosing my spiritual well-being ahead rather than His Son's life. Like any father. I guess He wouldn't have done it if there had been another way, but it does make me realise, how much He loves me. It's taken me a few paragraphs to see what John said in one verse, For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. But I reckon you've got my drift by now.