M is for MARRIAGE

I remember the day well though it was hardly yesterday. It was one of our rare, abnormally hot summers in July and the day had started just like any other. Yet this was to be the day that would change my life for ever so I had to be ready for what was going to happen. I was up early and had checked to make sure the suit and all the bits and pieces were in place, that the rings were in my pocket ready for the best man to take charge of and that I had left enough time before the ceremony. But there was just the little matter of the final rugby test between the Lions and the All Blacks to attend to that morning and it just had to be watched regardless of the rest of the day's events. Then there was the phone call from my mate in Australia and before you knew it the best man had arrived and the limousine to ferry us to the church. A few quick photos outside, a few greetings to wellwishers, then inside the wait for the bride. And what a wait. Almost half an hour late she was and not even a word of apology! Still, everything went smoothly as did the reception and before we knew it, we were husband and wife jetting off on our honeymoon to a strange and distant shore.

And where does the honeymoon end and the marriage begin? I suppose, like anything new, there is a certain settling in period, when you can be forgiven for forgetting that you now have another person whom you have to think about every time you make a decision. In fact, no longer are you making decisions on your own and very soon you realise that any two people's points of view are not always the same. And such decisions kick in pretty quickly when you remember that you're buying coffee for two and not one at the airport!

So what is marriage all about? What makes a good marriage and what makes a bad one? To be honest, I don't know the full answer but I think marriage has to start in anyone's mind, long before the day you place a ring on another person's finger. It's such a drastic change of life in so many ways that if if your thoughts are only filled with the romantic notion often portrayed in movies, of walking down the aisle together into a world of bliss, then a rude awaking mightn't be far around the corner. You see the day after you're married, life still goes on and all the day to day things for which you had responsibility at work are still there, except now there are the added responsibilities of providing for each other, caring for each other and knowing that nobody else is going to come behind you and clean up the mess you leave. And that, I suppose is the key to a successful marriage, being able to integrate it into your life as seamlessly as possible and at the same time being prepared to give up those bits of your single days that no longer fit in. And yes it is romantic, but it also needs dedication, hard work, commitment, sacrifice, constant communication and of course love in the first place to make it work. They say marriages are made in heaven but why do so many fall flat on earth? I'm sure there are lots of reasons. Sometimes children come along and take up so much of husband and wife time that when they eventually grow up and leave the nest they also leave behind two complete strangers. Sometimes people drift apart because more of their life is spent away from their partner than with them and they seek comfort and confide in those who share most of their day. Others had only thought about the wedding and not the marriage that followed and some are torn apart by tragedy, financial ruin or a whole range of personal issues. Yet it is not for me to speculate why a marriage falls on hard times. What I do know is that successful marriages don't just 'happen'. For us, I'm sure God had always planned that we would be together but He expects us to make the most of the gift of marriage He has given us and that means not only making decisions together but also consulting Him in every area of our partnership. When you live your marriage under His guidance, it's pretty hard to be misguided!

And that goes for our general walk of faith too. Once we are saved, life goes on, with all the mundane trappings of day to day existence, but it's never the same again, so long as we don't forget our first love, whose sacrifice provided for our salvation. Now that's a real marriage made in heaven.